A blog . . . in spite of how pathetic blogging actually is.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Sorry Sarah

Dear Sarah,

I owe you an apology. I tried. I really did. My tail's between my legs. I'm back.

It sort of helped when the hard drive on my old Dell died [thus denying me access to the internet for a month]. But then I got a new computer with all its fancy updated crack-esque magnetism. Like John McCain, history will surely judge that I didn't stand a chance. The slick new Inspiron in my lap right now is Barack Obama and mortgage backed securities all wrapped up into one "Defeat is imminent" bundle.

My love for you is stronger than ever, though. Your piece changed me. It got me off my butt and propelled me into a good stretch of intensive (offline) writing. I even have something copyrighted (although unsold) to show for it. So thanks a lot. And by the way, that's a tough business out there, the real world of writing. Who knew? The people don't actually care to read what you've labored to produce. In fact, they're kind of snobby about it. I suspect it's because most of them aren't family members or friends.

In the fake world of writing (aka, blogging) you can just put a link to your blog in the signature of your email account and then . . . send people (mostly family and friends) lots of emails, ostensibly about things other than your blog, so that, when asked, you can just go 'Oh yeah. I guess I did have that linked down there. Just something I do for fun, I guess.' The feigned aww shucks part is critical. You absolutely have to pretend as if you don't care, as if the link in the signature of your email account was possibly done accidentally and you've been too busy to remove it. I tried not caring in the real world of writing. Again, the fact that these people aren't my relatives or friends proved to be an enormous problem. Not only did they not care about my work, but they also didn't care about my appearance of not caring about whether or not they read my work.

My plan is to max out like an overrated NBA player and take this whole "I don't care" thing as far as everyone's willing to let me. The name of the blog helps. It's reverse psychology but with a little dash of Jedi mind trick. If I'm self deprecating right from the point of your reading the blog title, then you know I don't care, right? So you go ahead and read.

But even if you see through this and come to (accurately) realize that all I'm doing is trying to get you to read by pretending to not care, the fact that I wasn't even remotely subtle (see blog title again) makes it so that you're intrigued enough to read anyway.

We'll see how things go. It's not like I'm going to check the hit count or anything.

I promise to make this my methodone clinic. Real life is the real world of writing, this I understand. I know what I have to do, and, even though your advice is to the contrary, I'm going to try and do it anyway. If America can elect a guy with Hussein as his middle name then, by gosh, I can try to be a real world writer who also (just mentioning this in passing) maintains a blog. I'll drop in here for a hit every now and then which will hopefully keep me off the mean streets of Timesuckageville. I don't want to end up like Bubbles. The days will be devoted primarily to producing work that snobby people will never read, I promise.

Wish me luck.

John Jacobson


Anonymous said...

I'm happy to be your first commenter JJ. Funny stuff. What did you write for real?
KB (not ML)

Tony said...

You know you love it...

Anonymous said...

Yes, Mr. Jacobson, yes! You like The Wire! The Wire is my life. I actually thought when I saw it that it would be right up your alley.

Good luck with the writing.

Alex Konrad

"A man got to have a code" - Omar

Anonymous said...

Don't feel bad, she didn't keep her promise.

Anonymous said...

Umm... you bought a new computer, and it isn't a Mac?

I have lost faith.

In myself.

As well as my persuavitivity.

John Jacobson said...

"Persuavitivity" = Word of the day!